Sleep. I miss sleep.

Poor baby Freya has a double ear infection. She was so miserable alllllll night ... I felt so bad for her. This morning she threw up on Nate and then on me. She's now on an antibiotic and numbing ear drops. Hopefully she'll sleep tonight. And not throw up on us.
This past week I've been to the ER once and Medstat three times.

Weird, exhausting week.

Check out this little gem I found at my parents' garage sale.

Why. They don't even own a cat.

This pregnancy heartburn is going to do me in.
That's what I get for eating candy corn. .... which I felt really guilty about eating while watching a guy on The X Factor that lost like 400 pounds.
Erg. Candy corn.

Freya was up for a bit around 3 a.m., but since she's sick she has been granted temporary amnesty. (Plus, she's just so cuddly.)

I'm going over to my parents' ridiculously early tomorrow morning to help them set up for their garage sale. It's their subdivision's annual sale ... which means all we have to do throw stuff out on the driveway and drink coffee while the people come to us in droves. My parents went through their entire house over the summer and de-cluttered every room. So proud. It wasn't like an episode of hoarders, but there were things that just needed to go. Like the 47 Christmas tins. Who has time to bake and fill all of those? She'd have to open up a bakery.

I better get my beauty sleep.

This and that

Papa John's new meatball and pepperoni pizza

I got heartburn just watching the commercial

Photos by Mazie

Me

This girl. She is such a joy ... can't get enough of her!!

 

Mazie named this bunny PC Honnie

Just FYI

Everyone slept through the night last night and there was no crying before bed tonight. I think we've turned the corner. And we did it without setting up sleeping habits/arrangements that we're not comfortable with. I give us a high five.

She's sick!

Welp, Freya has a cold ... which explains why she's been so clingy and having so much trouble sleeping for the past few days. (My children always show signs of sickness like this before actually getting sick. You'd think I'd have caught on by now.)

I'm sad that's she's sick, but at least I have an idea of what's going on. Mazie is also sick. :( Poor sicky chickies.

Last night was good. Mazie was only up twice coughing and crying that her throat hurt and Freya only got up once. All three times were short-lived. Today Freya only cried for bout 5 minutes at nap time. Yes, we do some "cry it out", if needed. Don't judge!

I just realized I stated that only having to get up three separate times in one night was a good thing. My, how things change once you become a mother (or care for anyone that needs help in the middle of the night).

We're armed with vitamin C, Kids' Immune Builder, Kids' Greens and lots of snuggles. Here we go!

Last week I took the girls to the college bookstore/coffee shop for breakfast.

I said, "Ok, girls look at the camera!" and this is what I got ...

P.S. There is a large part of me that does appreciate and savor the nighttime cuddles!!! They pass so quickly. I just tend to freak out a little bit about setting up poor sleeping habits. Me? Freak out?

What a Sunday ... into Monday

Saturday night Freya fell asleep standing up in her crib so I suspected that maybe her ears were bothering her. I took her to MedStat on Sunday morning and her ears are fine. I was sort of hoping that would explain the sleeping probs. My Dad told me what the problem was ... "because she's a toddler. That's the problem right there". So true.

Before I left for church I was spotting but not much and the baby was moving so I decided that I would wait it out for a bit. After Freya and I got to church (Nate and Mazie walked there) I was spotting even more. So, I headed out to the ER while Nate stayed at church with the girls. They determined that the spotting was coming from the internal cyst, which is what I suspected. The baby (and my cervix) are fine! I was able to lounge on the hospital bed and watch cable tv for a bit while I was there so it was kind of like vacation.

Sunday night Freya fell right asleep and then woke right back up around 2:30. I went in and held her for a minute but she would NOT lay back down without crying. I didn't want her to wake up the girl that lives in the apartment above our house or Mazie so my choices were:
1 - Hold her in the rocker all night. Really don't want to make that a habit because pretty soon I'm going to be down with about 14 stitches and a newborn.
2 - Sleep with her in the recliner. Not feasible as noted in Option 1.
3 - Put her in bed with us. Again, not feasible.
4 - Cry alot and wonder what I'm supposed to be learning through all of this and if I'm the only one that has ever gone through it and rack my brain as to why my baby is so sad and what I'm not doing right and how can I fix it and then cry some more.
5 - Sleep on the nursery floor until she falls asleep

I chose Option 4 around 3:30 and Option 5 around 5:30.

Yep. I slept on the nursery floor. Eight months pregnant. Because sometimes desperation yields way to desperate decisions.

Nate offered to, but he can't afford to go to a job like his sleep deprived. It was a very generous offer though and I'm glad I'm married to someone that looks out for me!! (And I'm really looking forward to that nightly back rub because my ol' preggo back is so sore!)

My mom and I ran errands this morning and I just went about my day as though I hadn't spent half the night feeling helpless, sobbing like an idiot and snoozing on the floor. My mom also came over and helped me reorganize the pantry and kitchen ... it felt good to get that out of the way. I really appreciate my mom helping me so much. Today would have been lonely and difficult if she hadn't been around to help.

Today/tonight has been better. Nate and I prayed over the girls and the nursery, I enlisted the help of Calms Forte for Kids and asked several different people to pray for us.

I'm tired.
And I love my children so, so much despite all of the sleep they rob from me.

The good with the bad

We haven't been over to our friends' house for a bonfire in a very, very long time. Actually, the last time we went over was during the "burn ban" so we just threw a bunch of flashlights in the middle of the pit. Not exactly the same effect, but we tried.

(photo stolen from Adam)

SO, we were supposed to have a fire with a bunch of awesome people ... really excited!!!! Been planning for a while. Bought the snacks. Washed my yoga pants! Hired a sitter. Woohoo!!!
But, no.
Freya has decided that she doesn't want to be left alone to sleep. Ever. :( Unfortunately, we don't live in a one-room hut or else that would work out great.

We decided not to go out tonight after all.
Here we sit. At home. No bonfire. Sad child. Ruined plans.
I'm crying. Freya's crying. Nate's eating chips ... but I think he might be crying on the inside.

The selflessness of being a parent never ends. It just never ends.


Here are some pumpkins to lighten the mood (all grown by my father-in-law):

  

Everyone needs a husband like mine

I was so tired today (I'm a broken record!) and could barely pull things together for dinner. Lately I've been making things ahead of time because evenings are my "Waaaah. So pregnant. Can't function" time ... or my mom provides dinner for us because she pretty much rocks the socks off everyone, everywhere. (I pay it forward by providing meals once a week to a dear friend of mine that is caring for her ailing mom.)
Tonight I managed to scrounge around some frozen, freezer-burned goodies that proved to be a good looking meal. As shown:

 Pretty impressive, right?

My sweet husband took one look at the microwave boxes scattered on the kitchen counter, took his plate out of the microwave and said, "Wow, this looks great. You must have slaved all day!"

And that, my friends, is how it's done. He's my most favorite ever.

Pumpkin time!

This past weekend we went to the farm (Nate's parents') to celebrate September birthdays. My favorite part of the entire weekend was riding in the Bobcat out to the pumpkin patch. I'll post some pics of our pumpkins soon.

Sort of unnerving that the two people behind the wheel have their eyes closed

*******

I love this show

 

So that explains it

I started reading this book a few weeks ago only to find out that I apparently should wait until my children are at least five years old, according to the author. I guess I'll come back to this one in about a year.

I decided to take the love languages test online and my top three are:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Physical Touch

Nate also scored high on Physical Touch which would explain why I've gotten pregnant three times within our five years of marriage ...

It never gets old

We're starting to get some things ready for the new baby. I showed this little outfit to Nate and he sighed, saying, "Even though this is our third time through, seeing little clothes like this still makes my heart skip a beat ..."

Going home from the hospital outfit

I look across the room and see this often throughout the day yet I still can't completely get used to it.

I'm giddy every time ... another tiny baby!?!

Nate

It's in the moments when I look over and see him content, absorbed in a book. A quiet reassurance. The moments when he is a human jungle gym to the delight of our children. A joyful addition. The moments when he pulls me away from the kitchen sink and holds me without saying word. A safe reminder of his love. He is supportive without expectation, he is honest without brutality, he is attentive without ulterior motive.

And I trust him. He doesn't hide things from me or raise his hand to me in anger or blame me for his own shortcomings.

He treats me like I'm valuable and precious.

I longed and cried and prayed for a love like this.

 

The weekend

Mazie had her first soccer game. She was so brave and excited. She ran up to me on the side lines three or four times throughout the game and said, "I love you", hugged me and ran back to the field. I nearly died it was so sweet.

Freya kept waving at her and yelling, "Hi, Mazie!!!"

I cried a tad, it's ok, I admit. I just never thought my life would end up this way. :)

On to the pics ...

Mazie had her fourth birthday party on Saturday evening ... FOUR!?!!

Scored some sweet princess garb

Nate's youngest bro and his lady

Flower fairy cupcakes

Nate's grandma and Aunt

Birthday girl!!!

Then on Sunday we went to Nate's Aunt and Uncle's for brunch. We came back to my parents' for dinner on Sunday night and then headed home. Monday my mom, my aunts, the girls and I went to the Wakarusa Dime Store and then Target.

(Mazie got to wear her new princess get-up. You're only young once! I love Freya's little face ... she is just the cutest!!)

 

 

Bright-eyed

Wide awake. Noooooooo. So I'm researching baby items on Amazon and hoping I'll get sleepy again soon.

This video was so boring.

 

I'll take one of these (a baby that sleeps on demand!)

 

On the up side I think we've turned the corner with Mazie's nighttime waking ... she is allowed to say Goodnight but not allowed to ask for things, etc. It has made all the difference bc she can still get some middle of the night assurance without us actually getting up. Note: We have a two-way baby monitor so I just say goodnight back to her and we're all good until morning. The two-way monitor is the best electronic thing that has ever happened to me.

 

Weekend

So, so much goodness this weekend. Mazie started soccer and also had her fourth bday party. Family was here from Illinois and Ohio. Oh, I'm much too tired to write about it all now so it will have to wait for another day.

Good night.

ps Nate rubs my back as I fall asleep every single night. He is so nice to me. :)

Just ... stuff

Cakes got her hair cut on Sunday night ... by me so don't do any close inspections. She's starting soccer soon (soccer mom!) and needs her hair out of her face so she can see where she's going. She loves it, but Nate is still in mourning. I think it's ridiculously adorable.

 

I gave myself a pedicure last night. Just because. After the girls were in bed I ran to Walgreens for some Epsom salt and when I mentioned to the cashier that I was going to do a home pedi she said, "Can you still reach your toes?" Yeah, good one. Hilarious.

AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHA

HA

 

ha

 

 

heh

 

sigh

Anyway, if I we're charging myself I would have given myself a discount for not coloring in the lines.

Sad Toe

Now let's focus in on what I refer to as Sad Toe. Sad Toe came about before I was pregnant with Freya and running a lot. My nail become weird and black due to the running and has yet to fully recover ... as you can see, it's deformed and tiny. I stubbed Sad Toe a couple of weeks ago and it's still bruised. Sorry that you have to be so ugly, Sad Toe.

Bowl o' sugar

Today I was eating a bowl of corn and as I neared the end I wondered about what it was that I was actually eating. So, I did a little research (because I know how to have big fun during my free time) and discovered that corn is actually one of the worst grains nutrition-wise. You may be thinking, "Corn is a grain?" Yes, yes it is ... although here in the good ol' USA we consider the whole kernels to be a vegetable. Because, um, .... I'm not sure. Basically what I ate was a bunch of starch and sugars and not a lot of nutrients. Corn, how you deceive.

This corn was locally grown without pesticides and with lots of love by Nate's aunt so it's all ok. I also ate some cottage cheese and a blueberry. This pregnancy makes me eat weird combinations. I actually haven't been very hungry for a few weeks. Two different people have asked me if I've lost weight ... obviously not looking at my tummy.

And for the record I CAN REACH MY TOES.

 

Slowing Down, Part Two

I've done a lot of weeding out over the past year or so. I deactivated my Facebook, I don't Tweet, I don't have a smartphone (in fact my phone is really, really stupid), I decided to not return to school yet, I cut back on my hours at work, I started buying household essentials from Amazon (free 2-day shipping) so I would have one less errand to run. I started waking up at the crack of dawn so I could get the little things out of the way in order to be ready, really ready to give my full attention. I stopped texting all the time, I stopped creating a massive to-do list ... because these little faces are changing at a rapid pace and if I blink my eyes I will have missed this time that travels at the speed of light


Sometimes the sacrifice feels so great and I worry about losing myself in a world of stuffed animals and coloring books. Sometimes I miss my old way of life. Sometimes I just want to be able to go and do as I please. So I stomp my feet and I feel slighted! and forgotten! and sorry for myself! And then I ask myself if I can even consider these things a sacrifice because ...

For me, all other ambitions outside of truly knowing my children pale in comparison. This time is so sweet, so short.

There will be a day for my own way of life and pursuing more education and a career, but for now I am figuring out how to be still ... staring into the hearts of my children ... and my husband, learning to savor every moment. And I fail and I fail and I fail but I keep trying. Every day.

"Because here’s the truth, the cold hard truth: the ability to really know our children is in jeopardy. Knowing our children has earned a spot on the In Danger of Extinction List.

Here is why…

In the jam packed, over-scheduled, constantly beeping, buzzing, media saturated, technology obsessed, stressed out, warp speed rat race that we call life, something is getting lost.

Personal connection is getting lost.

Human touch is getting lost.

Private conversation is getting lost.

And we, as adults, must take responsibility for the major part we play in the current deficiency in knowing, really knowing, our children."

- Rachel Macy Stafford