How Nate and I wrap presents for each other ...

 Christmas Eve. These three families have been getting together for over 20 years ...

and how we've grown. They mean alot to me.

Also, the most wonderful time of the year sure does incite some major meltdowns from the little people. Oy vey.

Tonight we're listening to Nate's Christmas present (Amos Lee on vinyl) and I'm going to read my Christmas present (The Baby Whisperer). It's a good evening. Life is sweet.
And thanks to my new anti-anxiety concoction of Relora and Kava Kava I'm feelin' fine [round of applause, please]. I just had to start taking something ... the post partum anxiety was ridiculous. Bah! Must vacuum 19 times a day. Must keep moving. No stopping. Go, go, go. NOooooo, dusk. Dusk is coming ... run!!!
Now I'm so smooth. So mellow. I'm melting into the recliner.

Christmas morning. 2:09 a.m. The lights on the tree illuminate this cozy space, this warm baby snuggle, this tired mama. These wee, small hours are ironically fleeting … I must remember to embrace each sleepy moment. With bleary eyes and drowsy bones my joy overrules all fears, my gratitude surpasses all complaints.

 

Well, we tried.

 

Here's a little preview of our fun, albeit unruly family photo shoot.

Day date

On our way

 

Before dropping the girls off ...

 It's just hard to be serious sometimes

My poor, puffy eyes :(

Sometimes you gotta bite the driver

Hanging out in Barnes and Noble

Bjorn thought it was borrrrrring

 

Jammy day + Advent calendar + Johnny Mathis on vinyl = cure for a semi-sleepless night. Let's go!!

Mazie has decided that she is Sunshine Bear and that when we push her tummy she becomes happy. This is going to come in very, very handy.

Last night carolers came to our house and Mazie handed out Christmas candy. It was very sweet and of course I got teary-eyed because motherhood has turned me into a big, ol' sappy mess.

  

 

Date!

Today we went on an all-day Christmas shopping date (with Bjorn). We talked more (uninterrupted) today than we have in weeks ... now we remember each other! Oh, how I love this sweet, funny, hot, tender, selfless man!

I have more pictures of us today, but this is just a little sample. I'll post more later, but right now I need to join Nate on the couch while we watch Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer. (I'll be distracting myself from the gross with a People magazine. Catch up on the celebs.)

It's really hard for Nate to be serious during picture time

Oh, and last night was much better. Bjorn went 3.5 hours between meals last night ... we're making progress. :) For the record, there is a small part of me that kind of enjoys the middle of the night awake time. I know, I can't believe it either.

Even though Bjorn eats so often at night he is a wonderful baby. He is calm, content and doesn't demand very much attention from me.
He is extremely snuggly and sweet and sometimes cross-eyed.

3:30 a.m. - I've been up five times between the three kids. Yes, I know this will pass. Yes, I treasured the quiet moment with them. Yes, I know it's my job. Yes, I'm thankful.
But also ... I'm spent ... and maybe a little bit grouchy now.

Last week I saw a picture of myself in the black yoga pants and promptly made a commitment (to Nate's delight) to wear real pants as often as possible. After last night's shenanigans I'm rocking the yogas with NO REGRETS.

Some recent FB posts because I'm too tired to write something original here today:

• Every time I use the car I listen to Christmas music so it's good and loud and ready for Nate the next time he drives.

•  If you were thinking of buying and eating some French Vanilla Soy Dream "ice cream", don't.

• I stopped eating dairy last week and Bjorn's horrible face rash started clearing up. Coincidence? I've never had a food allergy baby before.

• I'm failing BIG time at this 'no complaining' thing right now.

• Some of the food from my work Christmas party last night: dairy-free veggie dip, millet and flax vegan chocolate bark, gluten-free bread, dairy-free/gluten-free pumpkin bars and vegan "turkey" made out of corn.

• Well, wouldn't you know it ... not more than two hours after I take a No Complaining Challenge the dog pees in his kennel and poops on the floor. But, I'm not complaining ...

• We're having our family pictures taken this morning! I'm willing to pay extra to have the puffy, dark circles under my eyes airbrushed ...

There you have it!   I don't know how to copy/paste comments which is too bad because, oh the hilarity that ensued.

 

Mazie is always (always, always) pretending to be some kind of animal.

This morning she was a kitty. Her and Samson had a standoff.

   

Christmas Tree 2012

 Started off with happy waves

First stop ... Santa!

Outdoor fun

 On the wagon to cut a tree

Losing steam ... it was so COLD

 

No more waving, tired and cold ... we should have left right then

Some junky fund raiser food for lunch

Heading out for home ...

right before the Great Christmas Tree Cutting Melt Downs of 2012 ...

Happy Birthday!

Our silly, happy Freya turns two today!!

I cleaned off my SD card the other day and came across this little gem ...

the maniacal face of sleep deprivation

Here are a few pictures of some cute, well-rested people

Trick or Treat

 Little Duckies

Kitties like candy corn

Candy all around!

We went to Hensler Nursery today to cut down our Christmas tree! Besides Mazie getting backed into by the horse and wagon, tripping over the tree cart and getting her finger smashed by some older kids; besides Freya crying in the field and shaking from the cold; besides all three kids melting down and crying on the way home ... it was great! Nate said we won't be driving an hour away to get a tree next year.

We had to rearrange the living room a bit in order to fit the tree in (they ALWAYS look smaller before you bring them home) and I 'bout hyperventilated. I have a difficult time adjusting to things being out of place ... I'm better than I used to be, but it still bothers me. I wish it weren't so ... Nate is good at keeping me calm and focused. Focus ... Focus ... Focus ... poor Mazie is just like me ... so sensitive to her environment.

ANYway. We sat around the tree and sang Christmas carols before bed. It was so sweet and made the temporary tree decoration chaos worth it. :)

I'm thankful that after five years of marriage Nate and I still text cutsie, lovey text messages to each other throughout the day. I know, gross. Get a room.

Look at my baby!

Many thanks to Jaci for the free photo session (she was testing out some of her new studio lights).

So, Bjorn is waking up every two hours to eat at night. He's eating a full meal and going back to sleep so I know he's not just using me as a snack machine to soothe himself. He's legitimately hungry. I got some good advice from fellow mom friends and I've started incorporating some of those suggestions already. We'll see how it goes. For now .... I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired, which is to be expected with a newborn and two small children, I suppose.

Also, he is now sleeping on his tummy. I'm so paranoid about it (thanks to the Back to Sleep propoganda) that we bought a movement monitor and a mattress wrap. He sleeps sooo much better on his tummy and doesn't spit up as much. We have another spitter .... we're three for three so far!

Yesterday my friend Laura came in to town. I hadn't seen her in a few months so it was good to catch up. We ended up running errands with our moms, her daughter and Bjorn. It was kind of like high school, only with offspring.

 

This week is Thanksgiving (surprise! if you didn't already know) and I can't wait! On Saturday we're going to Hensler's Nursery for their Christmas Fest and to cut down our Christmas tree. YAY for holiday fun!!



it's late. i'm rambling.

Because I can never remember what we did on Friday nights anymore I'm writing it down right now ... we rented the movie 'the five year engagement' and managed to watch the entire thing without dozing off. it was pretty slow.

ALSO I slept in our bed for the first time since the csection. Reunited ... and it feeeeels so goooood. I've missed being the little spoon. Although I actually like to be the big spoon as well sometimes, technically I'm not the real big spoon because Nate is bigger than me (if you exclude hip circumference. heh). But, when I'm the little spoon I get my back rubbed as I fall asleep so .... little spoon is my default. If all of this spoon talk confuses you then click here. Now you know.

I better go to bed. Little dude will be up for seventh meal soon.

The clouds have parted

EDIT: I just found out that another dear friend lost her baby today. That's two friends in three weeks ... my heart is broken for them. I feel like a fool for having these weepy Baby Blues when I HAVE my live, perfectly healthy baby in my arms. I understand that I can only do so much to control my hormones and emotions ... I am even more committed to keeping my thoughts in check. I'm so sad for my friends.
*************

I feel soooo much better today. I will give you a run-down of my day yesterday, in bullet points (because you know you're a bullet point lover like me. yes, you are. just admit it).

• Woke up EXHAUSTED
• Started bleeding again (which is normal), got fed up with this ITCHY skin rash and noticed that my incision still wasn't completely closed on the right side. Felt defeated and sad.
• Spoke to Mazie in a mean-like fashion then ran to the bedroom and cried while Nate dealt with her whining (uh. not my proudest parenting moment)
• Cried as Nate left for work (I might have fallen to the floor and wrapped my arms around his ankles, I can't remember)
• Composed myself enough to make it through breakfast
• Apologized to Mazie
• Had a surprise visit from Danielle who came with gifts and flowers. She walked in the door and I started crying. Her visit was a great distraction for all of us and was the pick-me-up that I needed!! :)
• Received several emails and texts throughout the day of encouragement from friends
• Decided to go to MedStat to have the rash looked at
• The MedStat Dr confirmed that it was an allergic reaction to the new fluffy baby smelly detergent that I bought. Easy fix
• I called my OB and she said to put some new steri-strips on the incision for now. She wasn't concerned because that little area wasn't bleeding or leaking anything funky
• Had dinner delivered by my awesome mentor, Sandy. She stayed and chatted for while which was another mood booster
• Went shopping with my mom (and Bjorn) while Nate took care of the girls for bedtime, etc. (very thankful for a competent husband that encourages me to get out of house even though it means more work for him)
• Hit up Kohls and WalMart (should've taken some ibuprofen, but I survived)
• Came home and collapsed on the couch in between feeding, diapering and burping Bjorn

I was flooded with little acts of kindness all day. I found answers to my itchiness and incision issues. I had a good time shopping with my sweet mom and came home to a clean house and an incredibly handsome and supportive husband.
My children love me despite my crazy-in-the-head moments lately and the sun is shining. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and Christmas music is blaring.

I think I'm going to be ok. Breathe. Pray. Stay focused on the truth.

I took the kids on a walk. We only made it three houses down, but still ... I took the kids on a walk. IT COUNTS. I grossly underestimated Bjorn's hunger level. We came back home, I fed him and we headed out again.

We ended up having a great evening and I wasn't sad or anxious at all. Whew. I needed that.

This morning I took Bjorn for a newborn photo shoot with Jaci Fortshay. She did a free mini newborn session so she could use her new studio lights. The pictures are so cute and I'll post them when she's done editing them. 

Snow!!

so dark!

These early dusks are BRUTAL. So sad. I think this is the first time in my life that I've longed for late summer evenings. Wierd. Hormones. I'm praying that this passes before turning into full-blown post-partum depression. Been there. Done that. Once is more than enough.

The snow this morning was a happy surprise!!! I took pics of the girls but can't post them right now because I only have one free hand. DON'T WAKE THE BABY.

I got back on Facebook a few weeks ago (so far, so good) and haven't been as diligent about updating here every since. It's easier to just blurt out a sentence here and there rather than think up and construct an entire paragraph. Lazy.

I think the kids are calmer than usual now that I have no voice. They have to be very quiet in order to hear me and they whisper their responses.
I might be on to something here.
I mean, they're pretty calm kids to begin with but now this place is like a library ... shhhhh.


I'm headed out on a very slow, very short walk to the end of the sidewalk this morning. I just need some fresh air! Speaking of fresh air, several of our friends are getting together for what we're calling "A Day in the Woods" today. I've opted not to go after all. This laryngitis is dragging me down, man. Nate is going to go for a bit this afternoon with Mazie while Bjorn, Freya and I stay behind and take a nap. I'm super sad to miss out on this awesome fall-time fun, but such is life. I have cuddly things to attend to here at home anyway.

 

EDIT: My gal Jenny just brought me some homemade, gluten-free cookies to help soothe my pain. I think they're helping. I better eat another one just to make sure.

Last night I got a horrible case of the Baby Blues ... cried my way through the whole evening. It was almost embarrassing. I'm thankful for a husband that isn't phased by these hormonal episodes. After we got the kids in bed we sat on the couch while I cried on his shoulder and he prayed for me. I wasn't depressed (listless, unmotivated, etc.) I was just really, really sad for no specific reason. I'm feeling much better today .... BUT ...

I have laryngitis and am feeling physically worse as the day goes on. Ugh.

I'm so thankful that I'm not in horrendous pain from the c section. I'm also thankful for my mom. And for Nate. And for the countless friends that have offered to bring meals.

Tonight the girls are going to stay at my parents' so I can literally lay in the recliner until tomorrow afternoon. I hate being without them again so soon after my stay in the hospital, but I think it's best for everyone.


Bjorn had his first Dr. appointment this morning! He is almost back up to his birth weight and he passed everything with flying colors. He's such a sweet, little boy. He only gets up twice each night, eats and goes back to sleep.

Ok, that's all I have energy for now.

And then there were three ...

 

We're home!! We've been home since Sunday evening and things have been running smoothly. Thankfully my mom has the week off of work and has been coming over everyday until the afternoon to help me out. Nate then takes over when he comes home from work. My recovery has been going VERY well ... I'm trying to do as little as possible so it stays that way. My ankles, which are as big as yule logs, fair much better when elevated anyway. I haven't been taking much vicodin because I haven't really needed it and because it makes me very tired and grouchy. Dr. Awesomepants gave me multiple refills ... this will come in handy with the holidays coming up ... in case we need to make some extra cash. I kid.

I woke up with a horrible head cold and I sound like Darth Vader. :( Hopefully this passes quickly.

Bjorn is a very content, little guy. He only woke up twice last night to eat (I'm hoping he wants to eat again soon because I'm hurting!!) and doesn't cry much. He passes alot of gas though, in true guy fashion ...

All in all things are great. I just can't believe we have three kids ... and to think that five years ago we were just starting out on our own together. 

Re-do. Again.

Ok, we've decided not to change the spelling after all.

Bjorn!

 

How to name your baby properly

(thanks for sharing this, Emily)