I can't wait to meet this new little person.
- I'm a work in progress. I'm a mom to two, soon to be three, awesome kids that have taught me things I didn't know I needed to learn. I'm married to a kind and handsome man that I genuinely love to be with. I like to be around interesting people and enjoy learning from others. I'm quirky, energetic, have a glass that's usually half full (of wine) and am spontaneous when it fits into my plans. My life is much slower than it once was and even though I sometimes miss the old days, I never take these new days for granted. So, I've given up alot of things in order to give more of myself to my family ... and they better appreciate it. I mean, I expect nothing in return for my selfless love.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
And then I had children.
And my children take note of the small things because to them they are huge things. They don't walk with a purpose. They enjoy the processes and seem to drag them out even longer than I thought humanly possible. Their pace is one of simplicity, delight and discovery.
When we go on a walk I find myself getting annoyed with the innumerable stops to look at a particular flower or rock or piece of dirt. I feel the angst and tension building inside me. I worry that we're wasting time. I remind them that we need to keep moving ....
Keep moving to where? Why? What's the rush?
Several months ago I came to the realization that I had some serious, deep-rooted changes to make or I would regret it. I was about to miss out on most everything that was crucial and meaningful and vital right now.
Thus began a journey to slow down. Those two words still make me feel a little woozy at times and sometimes I feel that if our walk to the corner takes any longer I'll have to bring camping supplies.
I am here to facilitate peace. I am here to take my time. I am here to encourage and nurture and lead by example. This is a heavy calling, my friends, for someone like me. A calling that has brought me the most fear and the most joy all at the same time.
I'm thankful for a husband and children that have mastered the art of a slow-pace. They have taught me so much in such a short time. I'm learning how to find beauty in the process and learning to let the rest go. Ever so slowly.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
I actually have conflicting feelings about the whole thing. Me have conflicting feelings? As always. On one hand I'm super pumped that we were able to do so many things and have so many awesome moments. On the other hand I'm a little sad that we were so busy and missed out on a lot of time as a family. Also, I'm tired and still recovering from the late nights.
FRIDAY - Anyway, Friday night Nate and our friend Aaron went to a wedding rehearsal while Aaron's wife Stephanie and I checked out the Boathouse bar or lounge or whatever it's called. We were able to really, really check it out quite well because the service took foreverrrrrrrrr. They did make Stephanie's drink with lots of love so she was happy. Overall, I'd say it was "ok". Even though Cerulean's drinks are odd and no one knows how to pronounce what's in them the experience and atmostphere is much much better down there. This Winona Lake bar review has been brought to you free of charge. You're welcome.
After the rehearsal dinner Aaron and Stephanie came over and we were all up way too late having too much fun.
SATURDAY - I worked during the day. :/ Saturday evening we went to Justin and Liz's wedding which was short and sweet and to the point. I didn't realize that our friends Adam and Laura were going to be there so that was a fun surprise. Afterward we headed down to Cerulean Garden with the wedding party. I loved it. I haven't been out like that in a long time. Again, another very late night.
SUNDAY - Nate said we should go to church. Which we did. And I pouted around about it. *ashamed* Sunday night we got together with our small group and Nate told his life story (we've all taken turns. I shared mine last time and blubbered like a loony) and we ate my gluten-free peach cobbler which was more like gluten-free peach mush. Still tasty though!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Honestly though that's not really me. Come on, guys, you know I don't have blonde hair. The point is that my regular workouts involve lots of kicking and moves like this ... and now that I'm super pregs I feel as though I'm shoving the baby into my esophagus with each knee lift.
Even though I haven't worked out as consistently in this pregnancy as I have in the previous ones (um, I blame ... let's see ... I blame ... fine. I blame me) this baby is sitting so lowwwwww that when I DO workout it's all kinds of awkward. In comes Expecting More by Sara Haley.
Yay for ridiculously early morning workouts! They are so great ... I love them so much! They make the entire day wonderful! I'm a rock star! Yeah, baby, yeah! (I'm writing this now so I can read it again at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning when I'm sobbing my way into my sports bra.) YES! I am a machine!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Anyway, many awesome moments today. I think I got this ....... for now.
I've been up for three hours and have doled out every reward and consequence I know of for Mazie and Freya. *big, huge fat sigh* This has to get under control. Now. I'm at a loss.
It's going to be a long day. Nate took a few turns so I'm sure he's going to be dragging as well. :(
Sometimes being a parent is overwhelmingly exhausting and frustrating. Am I doing it all wrong?
I just have to keep reminding myself that the fruits of our labor will be made evident. I hope sooner rather than later. Diligence is honorable and this trying of my patience will only strengthen my soul. *whimper* Right? My reactions are noted, memorized and mimicked by these little beings ... sometimes this calling feels like too much. At times I just want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away, screaming and crying as I crawl into bed and hide. Am I helping them at all? Am I wasting these valuable teaching moments ... by overshadowing them with tension and a strained voice tone, stomping around and feeling sorry for myself?
Praying for immeasurable peace and wisdom every day, every hour. I am shaping them not only with my rewards and consequences, but with my whole being. Every reaction. Every mood. Every look. Every word.
Please fill me with joy, understanding and a tranquil spirit so they may inherit them as well. They are learning from me, please let me be an example of stability and rationality.
And also .... please .... let me get some sleep.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Btw, Nate's job has him working with preschoolers one or two days a week .... awwwwwwwww. Beyond adorable.
Speaking of adorable, something that isn't adorable is this depressive funk I seem to have fallen into. Social interaction makes me feel overwhelmed. Ugh. :(
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
- I have unintentionally eaten wheat. It's so sneaky. Hi, wheat-induced gas and bloating. There you are again.
- I probably caught some kind of mild virus.
- I haven't eaten many fresh fruits and vegetables lately. Gasp. I'm so, so ashamed.
Now I'm back to my fruit/veggie smoothies (with a straw). This morning's was yum. The girls drank a lot of it, too. Just ... so proud.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Now I'm in my jammies and ready to hunker down on the couch with Nate and watch The Glades on OnDemand. Oooh, or maybe some House Hunters.
Oh, before I forget ... the library is the best place ever for little kids on a rainy, cold day. We were there for about an hour and a half this morning coloring, reading, playing with blocks, etc. They love it there and it's a great use of our time indoors.
Also, the book store down the street from us has lots of .99 cent books and I just finished one not realizing that it's the first in a series of three ... the book store doesn't have the other two, but the library does. I love free! I'm glad because I really want to know how this thing ends. It's a creepy story and it had me so freaked out the other night I had Nate go check the doors. Maybe after some tv I'll go read and scare myself silly again. Sounds like a reasonable bedtime plan ...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Summer is difficult for me for whatever reason. Maybe I have this. Sad, sad summertime.
The weather in Oregon (where Nate's school is) is like this much of the year. Just throwing it out there. Just statin' the facts. :)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Here I am. 27 weeks today.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Earlier today I was wandering around the house like a zombie ... so tired. My mouth was hanging open because keeping it closed required too much effort. Then I took a spontaneous nap in the recliner and woke up choking on my own saliva. I'm talking tired. I got online (I'm really into self-diagnosis with the help of google) and read all over the place that dehydration can cause extreme fatigue for preggos. I realized that with our weekend traveling, my day spent at the lab yesterday and then being too tired to lift a glass to my lips today I've barely had any h2o! Very unusual for me. So, I crawled to the kitchen, hoisted myself up to the water filter thingy and somehow managed to not only fill my bottle but also drink from it. Now I feel so much better. Water. Must drink my water.
I had my one-hour glucose test today (standard test for gestational diabetes). Mmmmhhmmm, lots of lightheaded, sugary fun. (I was lightheaded bc of the fasting before the drink. Thankfully the drink made me feel like my normal, sugary self again.) I was there for about forty years, which is a very long time and got a lot of my book read. I changed my perspective from that of irritation with the ridiculous wait to thankfulness for the time to just sit, relax and read a book. I'll get the results back on Wednesday.
We went to Michigan over the weekend for a family reunion. You might be thinking, "Family reunion. Bored to death. Awkward." but this family reunion is a blast. We all camp out (unless your pregs, then you get a room inside. win.) and sit around, swim, eat, talk, laugh, relax. It's a great getaway. Nate and I were engaged in some good conversation on the way there and ended up driving the wrong way for 45 minutes. Big, fat fail for this co-pilot and her gps skills. It did give us more time to continue our talk so I guess that was helpful?
I didn't end up taking my camera and the only picture I took on my cell was this one of Mazie and her cousin Luna. They were bonding over a princess veil and a bag of cheez-itz. Luna reminds me so much of Mazie. Isn't it such a sweet picture? You know it is, I don't care who ya is.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Having nothing to do with water sports revelations, last night Nate said to me, "I'm really thankful that I don't have to worry about our children while I'm at work. Or our money. Or what you're doing. Thank you." I'm not sure if he's counseling someone with these issues or not so I'm not sure where those thoughts were coming from, but I'll take them. Neither of us take trust for granted.
Then, this morning I was in the bath (a bubble bath, of course because that's the type of luxurious lifestyle I lead) and he came into brush his teeth and said, "I'm glad you have gotten into taking baths. I'm glad you're learning to relax and that you feel as though you deserve this time ... because you do." I have a sneaking suspicion that part of him is just glad I'm taking baths in the morning because I'm in there when he comes in to brush his teeth before work ...
The other day Mazie wanted to rock Freya to sleep at nap time. Freya, in her usual Freya fashion was fine with it. She's usually down for whatever ... so relaxed. Must get it from me. I AM taking bubble baths in the mornings now, you know.